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Well, it is again time for another Drunken Rampage event and this is a good one- Plunderathon. There have been two emails from them in the last month about this event and they are reproduced below.

Plunderathon message one:

Yarrrrr!

Ok ye scalawags, buccaneers, thieves and scoundrels! It is once again time to take revenge upon the city that has so wronged us! For the sins committed way back in 1843, We Pirates will pillage and plunder our way through the fair streets of Port-Land on July 11 (the same day it has been every year for 166 years without fail).

There be rumors slitherin’ about (most likely spread by Lawyers, Ninjas, Goat-Buggerists and other such vile scum) that Plunderathon be some time in June. That has never happened in 166 years of iron-solid tradition. It was always July 11, which this year just happens to be a Saturday for those of ye with “normal” jobs (may the gods of the sea pitty ye). Listen not to the lies of lawyerly scum!

Now soon I, yer beloved Chief Historian (and owner of a strange cat) shall enlighten ye to the top secret meeting place (Skidmore Fountain, same as it has been every year for 166 years, but don’t tell anyone.)

—Note: Assistant Historian Cat O’ One Tail – edit that last part out before this gets sent out or ye’ll get another buggerin’ by that aussie fellow! —

And details shall be given. In the mean time, get yer Piratin’ gear together, and ignore the sorry state of this web-site I keep hearing about (something to do with tubes? And cats that laugh about cheeseburgers? And Guy Fawkes beating up scientists? I kin nae make heads or tails o’ the thing). The website is gonna be fixed, we bought seven more monkeys and gave them slingshots. As soon as the rum gets here (‘cuz those fuckers ain’t drinkin’ mine again! Poop-flinging little bastards . . . ) they promise to fix it.

July 11. Noon. More details to follow.

-Dave The Horrible
Chief Historian and Owner of a Strange Cat
The Infernal Order of Pirates, Buccaneers, Scallywags, Privateers and Grocery Store Clerks
(est. 1843)

Signed in lieu of, and under orders by, the Captain of the Fleet, AKA “Gomez the Belch-Prone, prisoner #24601b, Salem State Penitentiary, Mental-Health Wing”

Message # 2 (sent on July 4th, 2009)

Yarrr, me hearties! It be one week ’til our annual revenge upon the fair city of Port-land! 166 years of teachin’ them landlubbers and lawyer-lovin’ scum a lesson! (sooner or later they will learn not to mess with Pirates! Sooner or later . . . . any minute now . . .  )

For those of ye who have lost yer long-term memory due to excessive rum consumption, it all started back in 1843 when a lawyer SCREWED a Pirate out of his fair share of the city (“fair” in Pirate terms means the 50% he owned by agreement, and the 50% he should have stabbed the lawyer and run off with, but was too drunk to remember to follow through.).

The lawyer was just the first indignity, and We Pirates came back the following year to take revenge upon the city that was groing by the docks. In the ensuing fight, one cigar-smoking landlubber threw his stogey in the rum barrels, which became the first grog lost in the Great Pirate Invasion of 1844. A saloon was erected on the spot, and the Ashy rum was served to people on the street.

We Pirates torched Ash Street Saloon the next year, during Plunderathon ’45, as well as the sight of the original Plunderathon (there is a fountain there now). Over the years, other places have offended We Pirates and have been added to the annual slaughter no matter how many times they rebuild, apologize, sell their property to innocent people, erect a hospital for orphans and puppies on the site  . . . whatever they do, that spot where We Pirates were wronged gets plundered each and every year!

It takes about 12 hours for We Pirates to plunder our way through the landlubbers, lawyers, rum-houses and brothels. See ye at noon!

-Dave The Horrible
Chief Historian and Owner of a Strange Cat
Infernal Order of Pirates, Buccaneers, Scallywags, Privateers and Grocery Store Clerks
est. 1843.